one man's curiosity

grounding

2011-04-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

ive been searching through my words
for the feeling, the emotion
but lately ive been hurt
just holding on to devotion

i never mind the struggles
and i wont bitch about the pain
but where my good things bubble
has been feeling pretty drained

i can only do for you
the things that you will let me
knowing the things your going through
they affect me directly

when i see you doubled over
eyes red, cheeks wet with tears
i help shoulder the boulder
of all those pent up years

those times your past haunts you
keeping you up through the night
in the morning i will want you
and ill tell you it will be alright

those times when i wither
feeling isolated and alone
your always in the picture
making an empty house a home

and those times when im drowning
feeling theres way to much to do
your words give me grounding
knowing we will pull it through

im sorry for my weakness
but im getting stronger in every way
and together we will beat this
lets just enjoy today

2010-07-21T21:06:00.000-07:00

Lately I have seen the sun rise and set
for as long as i can remember
I have felt the asphalt vibrate and tell me
the story of the road
An endless supply of cups fill
an endless array of garbage cans
As the days begin to blur together
the night becomes harder to remember
Adventure though,
the adventure, the experience
the lessons
Keep me fully satisfied
The demands will break you down
and begin to show you
That where there was once weakness
there is now strength
Where doubt lingered
certainty has bloomed
To push harder, dig deeper
To slowly become the man
the human
the person
that you have always wanted to to become
It is the breakfast you devour when you wake
and the story you read before you dream
It fuels you and that passion
Will grow

lacy may

2010-05-11T00:16:00.000-07:00

as your smell wears out
of my von zipper hoody
i realize
im gonna make it
ill miss you like crazy
the way you made me laugh
and smile
your long legs
your dark eyes
i called you cookie monster
and you called me baby
i loved you
and you loved me back
then you were gone
who knows besides fate
and maybe god
and perhaps the stars
if we will ever see each other again
but i miss you
just like ill miss your smell in my hoody
so will be my life
after you have worn away

monday night

2010-05-10T23:04:00.000-07:00

I am alive
with feelings
dropping out
the bottom of my heart
and with passion
dripping out of my pores

fortuitous really
a charmed life
led with boot straps pulled up
and occasionally
pants around my ankles
I have loved and been loved
depending on what that means
Heartbroken...
thats with out a question
but always
with all of myself on the line
never content to be a shadow
but always afraid of the spot light

ever single memory
is
a different girl
on
a different bench
and me
im always the same
a rock
an island
the peninsula
lounging lazily in the sea
afraid to be a part of the mainland
but more afraid to be alone

Raton, NM

2009-10-27T10:04:00.000-07:00

Feet against eh cracked pavement
The large summer sun
Dyes the world yellow
A balsa wood plane
Falls slowly from the sky
Held aloft by curious design

Feet pedaling down the hill
Dried, bleached grass
Filled with thistles
The slide is huge
And hot with the summer
I’m afraid like always

Feet drip dry by the pool
Clouds on the horizon
In time for the afternoon rain
Afghans, itchy couches
And the chair you don’t spin in
Well it begins to twirl

Kimberly

2009-10-25T17:17:00.000-07:00

We stood on the bench
Watched the rain come down in sheets
And giggled
Like children
Like old friends reminiscing
Like old lovers still passionate
Despite the tests of time

I remember the first time I saw you
Wandering around the lobby
Black shirt, jeans,
Purple shoes
And those fancy lace socks
Who could see in that moment
What would become of us

You looked the best I ever saw you
The morning after
That first and worst night
We spent together
Sitting in your chair, no sleep
Hair up, voiced strained
Asking me to leave

2009-08-29T01:07:00.000-07:00

Excited to breathe the mountain air.
Longing to feel it in my lungs.
Brown rough gravel alive beneath my boots.
As I press on, upwards.

Canopy of trees, broken by the sky.
Moist with morning dew.
Moss clinging to the trees.
This, is life giving life.

Following the trail of the river.
The cold lake water, chills you to the bone.
And drying in the son warms the soul.
Love gaining elevation.

Toes hurt from a steep descalation.
But the sight all change in the other direction.
Making hindsight moot.
Though still taking it on the long ride home.

2009-08-27T09:22:00.000-07:00

The glorious anthropamorphic forest
it bores us
the poorest endomorphic tourist
emplores us
but in both of these we miss the trees
often by few degrees with ease
most delights are at night
instead of at the height of life
the inaction of passion
when basking in relaxin
causes a dissodance to resistance
and leaves victims listless

2009-08-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

this is to tell daniel i have been here 30 minutes and have nothing but i am trying!

2009-08-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

The pen to the paper
Ink spills
The true human nature
Be still

The words start creating
Slow build
Thoughts of love and hating
We feel

The ink slowly drying
Page filled
We're living and dying
So real

First Limmerick

2009-08-10T19:40:00.000-07:00

To get this poem you have to understand that every second Thursday of the month my job has an open mic and at that time we celebrate the months birthdays with cake.

I know a young fella named Curtis
Who promises God won't dessert us
So on those Thursday nights
When I'm at open mic
I'm shocked when its cake that they serve us!

double didactic, a durable dynammic

2009-08-04T09:43:00.000-07:00

He makes compassion a fashion
with a passion, its classic
a contraption of actin
carey action fantastic

always embracin with patience
situations not painless
avoids simulations of anguish
prefers elatin in grace kid

Florian comes soarin in
employin grins from joy within
overflowin from enjoyment
of engroging on elohim

2009-06-12T17:51:00.001-07:00

I'm badder than brain matter
Thats been splattered in a pattern
Scraped of into batter
Baked and brought to those I'm after
Don't try to flatter With idle chatter
Or you'll hear the pitter patter
Of quiet feet on tile
And then the glass will shatter
You'll end up in a pasture
Looking as if a master
Of sureal art redrew you
Looking like one lonely bastard
My rhymes hit hard and faster
Than a third world disaster
Bringing to end a chapter
Of pleasure joy and laughter
Its like the rapture captured
By a dapper chap-where
Every fractions factored
Then engraved on a placard

2008-01-23T22:07:00.001-08:00

i never thought that when i met you
id be thinking about a lot today
i find are conversations has me
saying things i out naught to say
and so forgive me
if i behave improperly
but the way you've got me feeling
i think you gotta stay
one more day girl
just to see what's next
ever since i met you
i felt so blessed
cause we stay up all night
with no regrets
talking about our futures
love and sex
i know that there's so much
to our situation
but i dont give a fuck
im just sitting waiting
things in my life taught me
e to be patient
thats the best way to see
fulfilled expectations

to you

2007-10-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

your really wonderful you know that?
your smile is like the light
at the end of my tunnel
your voice is like birds singing
waking me up from a long slumber
and your laugh
oh your laugh
its like a song written by your lips
for my soul
i think about you far to much
and far to often
usually from the time i wake up
till long after ive fallen asleep
i hope when i dream tonight
thats its of you
have i told you how i long for your lips?
that your everything in life
i think that i have missed
i feel like the chris issac song
room with out a view
and meeting you
i have a new window
and the view is utter delight
i feel inspired by you
and its been a while
i feel desired by you
and it makes me smile
maybe i tell you this to much
but your amazing
to me it seems
i could never tell you enough
i long for your touch
for you to be in my arms
for you ill be tough
protect you from harm
i still miss you lovely
more everyday
but knowing your out there
longing for me
as i long for you
thats to beautiful for me to stay sad
to wonderful for me to be down
your to amazing for me to let go
and now more than ever im crazy about you

a poem

2007-09-11T17:12:00.000-07:00

its easy to string words togther
its simeple to practice
and get better and better
theres no problem
enjoying sunny weather
shorts and t-shirts instead of
long pants and sweaters
but its tough when you feel
youve been severed
for all of the bondage
thats kept you teathered
and you were sure
they hold you secure
from now until forever
but you get smarter
and end up to clever
and now you face reality
a bleak existance
alone and unfettered

prophet

2007-09-09T00:56:00.000-07:00

a prophet never recognized
in his own town
so im dissapointed
when i come around

Get Pissed

2007-08-26T20:59:00.000-07:00

Don’t tread on me
Let me not be deceived
Don’t threaten me
Let me have my peace
All we want is freedom
A quiet existence
To worship my god
In relaxed contentment
Instead I'm confronted
With an undeniable truth
That our government pawns
Have ripped out our roots
I’d rather rot in prison
Free in my heart
Than support tyranny
Cowered in dark
A banking system
Aimed at slavery
The people in charge
Have betrayed me
You may not have money
You may not have pour
But banded together
We can devour
An entire system
Raised against us
If we don’t defend our selves
Who will defend us?
I'm sorry the facts
Are so disturbing
I my self find them unnerving
But with out a struggle
With out a fight
We leave our people
Out to die
We can make a change
Push forward an existence
But we fight hard
And be relentless
Forget the b.s.
The 9-5
Its time to fight
Evolve or die
For get it for now
Dream of better
When we peruse our existence
Un-corrupted, un-fettered
So pray for me friends
And ill pray for you
Together we can win
And stop this abuse

america the beautiful

2007-08-25T22:35:00.000-07:00

Deceptive devices
They use to control
An entire culture
Fit to a mold
A complacent media
Designed to mislead
While the true pain of life
Is disguised with ease
A debt based culture
Taking our own freedom
Fed on by vultures
That sees us as defeated
The truth of the matter
Is not hard to obtain
Except by those people
Unfortunately trained
To obey a way
Opposite of our foundation
Trapped in life’s lies
With no hope of escaping
Freedom exists
For those ready to die
And at night when I pray
I beg god to my side
The path will not be easy
To force of these shackles
But I'm preparing my self
Getting ready for battle
The governments lies
I'm shocked to discover
Are either believed or ignored
By my friends and my mother
I plead to our people
Its time to stand up
Change our direction
Start giving a fuck
Stop being a consumer
And become a man
More than a statistic
More than others demand
Get up fight
For those that you love
Just like those in the ground
Did for us up above
Life is so short
With so much to accomplish
But the most important thing
Is this I promise
The freedom we get
From our constitution
Is fading away
Or being diluted
And if there is one thing
We should do before we die
It is fight for freedom
From those who supply
The money and war
That ruins the lives
Of innocent people
With no place to hide
And makes slaves of another
With out their consent
By making them think
It’s ok to be content
We should be striving for better
Improving our lot
And living for freedom
Others lives have bought

bartered love

2007-07-20T00:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been left?
And asked
"Is it better to have loved than lost?"
Heart aches and anguish unfortunately
Can’t just be bartered away
They can’t be sold
To the highest bidder
A deep and confounding emotion sadly
Cannot be given to those in need
No matter how deserving
The irony of loss is this
Despite the fact
That you lose what you wanted
It is neither misplaced nor stolen
It is bartered despite your best effort
For an emotion
Much less desirable
And even sadder is that fact
That the emotion you have
Cannot be bartered away
It’s yours to keep
Till it wears out its usefulness
And leaves you alone.

City Streets

2007-07-19T23:22:00.000-07:00

I notice her standing on the corner
Eyes shining
In the crisp august sun
I think she looks so alone there
Eyes lying
Cause winters almost begun

I see the lone man sitting there
Barely existing
As traffic passes over head
I wonder if he belongs somewhere
More fitting
And if he'll see it before he’s dead

I'm awed by her modern beauty
Well dressed
As she dominates the street
I find she displays her booty
No respect
Making her beauty cheap

I discover my reflection in glass
So alone
As I make my way through town
It disappears as I pass
Heading home
To etch these words down

old flame

2007-06-30T13:14:00.000-07:00

the irraducable complex
concept of contempt
makes me curious if its
constantly upkept
through blooed sweat
and tears fight those
most dear with a clear
ambiguity and reall credulity
is it worth the trouble
if it only kills you or me
or mabybt its prued stupidity
to think that theres explicitly
a catagory for the innocent
and another for the guily
a catagory for those that repent
and those that stay filthy
do you feel me?
or have i rambled to much
would it kill thee

shorties reading shorties

2007-06-30T12:48:00.000-07:00

Dead Dead

Right now, this moment
It’s all falling apart
To give you the details
Id have to know where to start
So many obstacles
From so many directions
God puts weight on my shoulders
To see if I'm dependent
A new death, a new life
Leave me in anguish
The depth of my depression
Is becoming dangerous

One morning

Dawn breaks
And the sun slowly
Begins to fall
From the other side of the world
The sky illuminates
And the clouds begin
A retreat from the horizon
The birds sing
As a crisp morning
Slowly begins to unfurl
The bells ring
And the lazy birds quickly
Take to flyin

Good bye again

I'm thinking about
That time you died
And I cry deep inside
I wish we could reminisce
About all the memories
You missed and the thought
Renders me
Incomprehensibly empty
Every time your face enters me
Ecstasy exits me
Reminded of the times
That I forgot to call
I ball a little my countenance falls
A little my heart throbs
In the middle of my chest
Buried under my breast
But with nothing to protect
It form the times I reflect
Shit when I feel like this
The good memories
Feel neglect(ed)
The need to be collected
And reinserted
So I don’t forget the love
The kisses and the hugs
How you went so peacefully
Parting like a dove

Me?

The estimable Mr. bowers
With the pour to deflower
The most dour of virgins
Keep the most sour
From hurtin
With urges for certain
A yearnin for something
That burnin
With passion
A bastion for long
Lasting satisfaction

winter in june

2007-06-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

i shiver away winter in june
it was sunny today
so the rain will be back, soon
not like a pouring monsoon
just day after day
of blue moon, blue moon
the shades of grey paint the sky
and dont really change color
as day passes to night
i guess thats why people get high
looking to the horizon
with hope in there eye
and i kno sunny days are coming
but winter, in june
it really is something
amazed by so many days unstunning
but when the sun comes out
my shivers turn to humming

welcome the the present

2007-06-08T19:30:00.000-07:00

We waste our lives
On useless products
Because of the way
That we’ve been brought up
And despite how much
This life style costs us
We refuse to fight against
Those who’ve bought us

But I will fight back
In my own ways
Instead of spending
I've learned to save
Instead of complaining
I've learned to get wait
And cause revolution
All of my days

Corporations’ control
Most of the world’s interests
Keeping the people ignorant
So they wont come to their senses
As a people we need
To construct defenses
Against globalization based
Imperial offensives

There’s children starving
People dying of thirst
While corporations pockets
Continue to burst
I wont be the last
And am certainly not the first
To decry their practices
As the despicable worst

We need to stop the blood letting
Of the passive innocent
Those living in refugee camps
Surviving in tents
Or those who don’t make enough paper
To pay the rent
I apologize to you
If I appear a dissident

I'm just sick of a nation
Along for the ride
In an American culture
Encouraged to duck and to hide
And at the same time
Stand to defend our pride
While those at the top
Do nothing but lie

The Bush, Cheaneys, and Rumsfields
Will damn us if we let them
It scares but I must
Demand insurrection
We must take the power back
And chart a new direction
If we ever wish to escape
Their lies and deceptions

It’s a long road we travel
That’s been paved with blood
Laid upon a foundation
Of toil in mud
By the hand of immigrants
That came in a flood
Saw a road being laid
With our ancestors blood

bremerton?

2007-06-03T09:57:00.000-07:00

So many nights
Fuzzy and wasted
Days passing by
With no entertainment
A revolving door
Of the same peoples faces
Is there nothing more?
Hidden in the plainness
The circles of friends
They grow and they change
But the pool of peoples
Just remains the same
But it’s not all bad
Here in this city
A few cool people
That’s funny and witty
A few friendly faces
That are not backstabbers
Snitches, bitches
Or fuckin highjackers
The bastards
But fuck it all
I've mastered
Weed smoke and alcohol
And that’s what we got
For good entertainment
Watching some movies
Getting high in the basement
Or out the park
Blazed in the sun
And then to the house
For Jell-O shots and blunts
A little Frisbee
In the afternoon
Its 85
And the rain comes back soon
Tops down
Sunglasses out
Drinking tokin
With out a doubt
But really it’s sad
That’s all B-town has to offer
Some would disagree
But I've lived here longer
And the city’s changing
Downtowns growing
But the chiefers blazing
And the party’s still going
So if you’re ever bored
And wanna get wasted
Come to Kitsap County
To Bremerton baby

a rhyme

2007-05-31T20:20:00.000-07:00

The discrepancies
In my tendencies
Are irreparably
A descriptive piece
Of my tenacious
Vernacular
Both impassive
And spectacular
It’s of the utmost
Importance
That I send out
The warning
Got rhymes
Seemingly boring
That contain
Vivid stories
And tall tails
That pail the face
Of long trails
And times
When it’s to late
Don’t depreciate
The value
Of what’s beyond
Your comprehension
Just appreciate
The volume
Of reasons
That I have mentioned
And against better
Judgment
And embracing
Punishment
Stop and listen
To a rhyme
That glistens
That’s written
And spitten
To make lyrical
Lovers smitten
Like a little kissing
Or discovering
Something missing
The mission
Is hittin
The peak of ambition
Workin my ass off
And destroying compaction
The tia-pan
With the high hand
In high demand
For a brand and strand
From the home land
Of billionaires
Weed smoke everywhere
The Seahawks lair
From Hendrix to Cobain
A long tradition
Of new thoughts to exchange
And improve our position
You can flash with your diamonds
Look fly all the time
What about your retirement
Who’s gonna pay when your dying
So that’s how I finish
This off-hand composition
I hope you enjoy
And it makes you think different

2007-05-24T23:32:00.000-07:00

what do i look for
when it comes to a woman
besides a nice figure
and some good home cooking
im lookin for a lady
with a head on her shoulders
looks kinda young
but thinks 10 years older
im dying for a woman
thats smarter than me
when that loves to read
my lyrical poetry
one that loves to read
a collectoin of narritives
one willing to compare
differential comparatives
and bear with me
through the thoughts
of impassive patient acting
so when the time comes
shes prepared for flagrant action
and im not blabbin at the lips
when i request some sex hips
soft sensual kiss
right when i insist
and its bliss to imagine

honor killing

2007-05-22T20:45:00.000-07:00

In northern Iraq
Lived a girl named Dua Khalil
This unfortunate poem
Is about how she got killed
She was a Kurdish girl
17 years old
Age of your friends or your children
Makes the story more cold
She was living believing
In a thing called yazidi
An ancient Middle Eastern religion
That goes on believing
That people should not inter mix
With other religions
And unfortunately for khalil
She became a victim
Seen walking down the street
With a Sunni Muslim man
Maybe they were kissing?
Maybe holding hands?
She hadn’t married or converted
But the family name was dishonored
So they stoned this poor child
Killing their own daughter
In retaliation of course
About twenty-four yazidis dead
Gunned down by the Sunnis
Another debt that’s been paid
And that’s the sad story
Of Dua Khalils death
I hope you have my same feeling
An aching in your breast

Much of this poem is direct quotes from an article by cnn that can be found at this address. I don’t want to take all the credit.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/05/18/iraq.honorkilling/index.html

is this really extacy?

2007-05-20T16:10:00.000-07:00

i cant believe you left me so disguested
you did that after all those discussions
whats wrong with you kid
is your head busted
is what ive told you not enough?
is what ive offered so fuct up?
i gave you the best advice a man can give
and you turned it back
in my face youve spit
i love you so much
what were you thinking?
why couldnt you just go out
and spend the night drinking?
why couldnt you get high
untill you passed out
you had to do e to work this all out?
should i hope that it helped
made your night better?
should i pray that the x will improve the weather
ive protected you with my every action
you didnt understand so you were just passive
but you could have trusted me
you know im not stupid
but you last night
made me feel foolish
ive poored out my soul to make your life better
you threw it away to make one night better?
do you know what mdma is?
have you read about coke?
have you studied herion
and how it can choke?
itll take the life out of you
leave you a shell of your self
and i love how you are
do you really need help
between this and the tylonal
im begining to worry
the line of your sanity
is begining to get blurry
come the fuck on
i mean really whats up
cause if you dont give a fuck
then i dont give a fuck
i refuse to give of my self
to one who dosent care
i refuse to spend my wealth
if you wont fight the despair
but your life is your life
i cant live it for you
but dont let the easy way
sneak up and destroy you

memories

2007-05-19T16:28:00.000-07:00

My minds replete
With deleted scenes
Of things I've seen
And dreams
Of things that bring
The scenes I dream
To breathe into focus
But the effects
Of time
Weed and wine
Confusing lines
And confounding lies
That undoubting supplies
Why I cant find
The memories
And explanations
Of better dreams
And destinations
Of what I've missed
Due to procrastination
And those I’ve kissed
In my past when wasted
Perhaps a deeper reflection
On information I’ve collected
Would let me find memories neglected
That I could then inspect
And upon inspection
Discover reflections
Of thoughts left unmentioned
And dreams left for dead
Words I’ve said
And decisions made
Resound in my head
But they’re not interlaid
Instead they unintwine
The longer in my mind
Till I can no longer find
Memories once held tight
So photographs
And written word
Help me track
What has occurred?
So when I compose
Upon this tablet
I hope my prose
Will leave me impacted

2007-05-19T15:49:00.000-07:00

i need to let the words flow
the ink bleed
the pen sow
and the reader reap
its a sticky situation
the constant diliberation
the waiting building patiences
for some powerful eqivocation
and ive been known
to be combustable
ive shown that im
untouchable
people constantly underestimate
underappricate
and devalue
whats malible
but right now im on track
to become the most valuable
its a patient

conflictions

2007-05-14T21:03:00.000-07:00

how is one so smart
so often confused
that works so hard
so often subdued
has so much talent
yet cant find the words
so i drink by the gallon
and puff on the herb
one so prideful
is so easily humbled
one so mindful
so easily stumbles
some one thats such a lover
so often hurt
a friend or mother
not those that deserve
how come some one so friendly
is so often alone
the bottle is emptied
while i sit at my home
why can one that loves god
hardly ever find him
while those with out laws
stumble into him blindly
how can one with so much joy
be staggered with sarrow
one with so many ploys
not predict tomarrow
one with so much passion
be filled with such doubt
the rain keeps on pouring
but im stuck in this drought
how can we search for peace
when we create the war
as we cure one disease
we discover 10 more
how do we be ourselves
when were all the same
can we covet the wealth
to cover the pain
as everthing becomes corperate
we crave individiuals
the poor become more helpless
left to fend for them selves
if we privatize water
we copratize life
balancing survival
on profits sharp knife
can we fight for freedom
and be peaceful and passive
can one man defeat them
unless backed by the masses
can we pray for forgivness
when we thrive for our sins
can i get a witness
that im not at my end
do we care global woarming
is set to destroy
when tomarrow morning
is still here to enjoy
can the ink that i use
bleed what my hart feels
or will i be subdued
untill i am killed?

2007-05-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

my battles not against gangsters and thugs
my battles against the flesh and the blood
against principalities and powers
that in my darkest hours
tear at my soul and look to devour
the things i hold dear
change the man that i am
from a lover to a fighter
create a beast from a man
and i know the plan
but despite my best efforts
in always so desperate
to find out whats left
in this world
im so reckless
and as i check down the check list
for all that ive got left
i realize my best wits
have nothing to offer but fuel for scoffers
and words for the knockers
lines for cock blockers
and i may never be a chart topper
but i wont be no chart stalker
ill be a proper lyricist
a untouchable rhymer
a serious nemisis
of all the two timers
you cant sell out and buy in
you cant shell out and still win
invest wisely and gamble with smart
or youll be beat quickly with out a fair start

happy mothers day

2007-05-13T10:27:00.000-07:00

how many years has it been
almost 24
and i pray to god
for at least that many more

i cant recount the times
youve been there to save me
and i hope im getting stronger
knowing thats how you raised me

theres been a few bad times
but many more good
and most of the bad once
we were misunderstood

two people so different
with so much in common
if you think i dont remember
i promise i havent forgotten

the tings that youve told me
to help make me a man
the way youve described
things i didnt understand

all the times that youve prayed
to god up in heaven
that this bread thats from you
would not go unleavened

and youve seen me decended
at the bottom of life
and now im ascending
with you at my side

i couldnt be the man that i am
if you were not there
guiding me teaching me
even when i wasent there

and hope to make you proud
and able to smile
as i become a man
i know its taken a while

so i just wrote this poem
that i write this time of year
to let you know through it all
my love for you's shining clear

a poem

2007-05-05T00:52:00.000-07:00

can the esoteric
be generic
can the barbaric
be garish
id rather parish
in a parish
then flourish
with out a purpose
im nervous to share
the harder side of life
the good is so easy
a nice way to pass the night
but stryfe and conflict
strike more than covicts
unless a convict
is some average tom smith
the best of us
face the worst of times
and the rest of us
can be hard to find
in the shadow
where the cages rattle
the good guys battle
and the villians
well the villiians saddle
up for another night of mischief
and theyre in our lives
despite our deep wish
the gentle kiss of a lady
carrying a baby
can change the shady
or make a sane man crazy
and excuse me but maybe
we just need a break
step back from this life
its not how much you can take
and ive taken alot
im prepared for more
the struggles ive been through
left me prepared for war
and theres more in store
its a battle wore
on our sleaves and our hearts
were on our knees
please impart
a moment of peace
im begging you please
cure this disease
thats me being me
so this generic esotaric
stops this painful marriage
of words that will one day parish
so please just try to bear this
and give me patience love
or a gentle hug
cause i need to know
that what i am is enough

lessons

2007-05-01T16:59:00.000-07:00

a writers pasture
should be a place where
ideas rapture
and capture
it like a picture
and make it clearer
like real life suspended
held in a mirror
and though thoughts
are not dependent
how it is said
is how its presented
and how its presented
displays how its meant
a lyric is dead
if not read
with what is said
held in mind
so people process
each line
and successes defines
what others may find
to be not excess
but a beautiful expression
an interjection
a random collect
the minds indescrection
on a lesson
a great idea
that takes possession
and i cant describe
the feeling of freewheeling
images
instances
where innocence
and experience
create something
mysterious
about a feeling
that lures us
endures us
and ill endure trust
if a writer must
but it must create lust
and produce intrust
so please pick carefully
and expose scarcely
those thoughts that barely
make you care free
and at the same time
make you say
"i scare me"

dear sister

2007-04-29T23:17:00.000-07:00

how many times did we say good bye
and never say hello
how many opportunities did we take
to really get to know
each other
and some times a sister and a brother
despite their father and their mother
could to better for one another
but i know that theres still love there
though the hatered and the stryfe
used to strike like a hurricaine
but as the years have died
weve forgiven the pain
and im sorry i havent called
lifes so wild and confusing
even one thats as smart as me
cant deside if ensuing
choices will help or hinder me
plus so much shit with family
sis i cant begin to describe
but the bowers blood thats in me
it stores a wild ride
and how are things with you
the dog and significant other
or have you finally decided
its not better to be lovers
im gonna call soon sis
and ill read you this poem
to let you know i think about you
when im busy and alone
and though i wish we were closer
i know our bond is deep
and so this random writer
decided to put our love in ink

long freeverse

2007-04-24T23:26:00.000-07:00

cant write what i want to
string words together
so i just write these words
that come out like "whatever"
not clever but better
than this shitty ass weather
the rains a pain
and the sun stays away for days
i need a change
but how can i change my evil ways
i get paid to play
do this little thing
but i write these words
cause its how my heart sings
i let the verbage linger
as i run my fingers
searching for the next key
to please and what it means to lead
so my words then can fallow
but something about this
it just rings hallow
id be live at the apollo
if it wasent for tomarrow
for having to barrow a dollar
from a baller
begging for a break
until im swallow the pill
chill
sit back relax
and ask the deeper questions
what do we do with the convalecent
why dont people stop at a 4 way intersection
whats the value in life if you work for posessions
whats is love...if not well intentioned obsession
where is my direction
when will i learn my lesson
its a pain in the ass
to make my grass last
pass the first pass
and when i grasp for the last
of it im pissed
its gone
no hits
so i decide to quit
but it aint ligit
just a flit of passion that leaves me asking
why to i try to survive
when everything tells me to die
i cant lie
my options are limited
greatest country in the world
but i hurl when i think of the little girls
and boys treated as toys
used to destroy
so some others can employ
a life that destroys those who try to enjoy
the finer things
the liners sing
buy me please
but i pass
id rather relax to some illegally dowloaded tracks
talk some smack and drink a six pack
of some home brews
my dudes know the clues
and we consume on the move
the booze is cool
with some broads and dudes
but the prudes and fakers
the money takers
the fucking haters
make me savor every moment
of me being me
and you know this

dear dad

2007-04-17T19:38:00.000-07:00

i miss you man
alot
remeber all the times
the good ones
the bad ones
the ones where we were togther
i miss you dad
your smiling face
your belly laugh
your warm embrace
i think about you all the time
i wish you had been here
to see me get older
when i first had a girl friend
when i first found love
i wish you could have been there
when i lost it
i needed you dad
and i still do
and i miss you so much
i miss your hugs
and your kisses
with your rough moustache
i miss you crying in my arms
there are times i hate you
cause you havent been there
buut ive always loved you
your my father
and i miss you

2007-04-15T21:49:00.000-07:00

my expectations
are considered "unattainable"
my direction
is considered inexplainable
and people remain
unableble to disable
the who situation
that ive left unstable
the precariuos position
of my vicarious decision
leaves you with out inhabition
and in doubt with suspision
its so hard to describe
the vibe of a scribe
sent to surmise
the lies of the tribe
but the desguise
hides the lies
and provides
the scribe
with the means
to survive
and provide the source
thus to
remain allied
but dont doubt
the writer
just read
some shit tighter
the the normal
quagmire
of artists for hire
i may never
make money
but im destined
for greatness
just depends
on the timing
the master of rhyming
and designing
the iching
of poems at their greastest
with legends of sages
shit thats amazing
and so they slowly start paying
homage to the savage
of honest lyrical baggage
so please lay off the cabage
till i come with my next fat shit

neked and alone

2007-04-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

i lay here alone
missing your touch
now that its gone
it meant so very much
im neked as always
you know how i sleep
but know i stare at the ceiling
instead of hearing you breath
theres tons that ill miss
but not alot makes me sad
but stuck in this moment
theres nothing but bad
and the emotions so simple
yet hard to explain
where is the freedom
in all of the pain
neked and alone
this wont be the last time
when thinking of you
has become such a passtime
but i know ill survive
i know ill stay alive
and one day when im dressed
ill begin to thrive
but until that day
ill just sit in my home
thinking of you
neked and alone

murderer

2007-04-10T13:53:00.000-07:00

as i slid up behind him
a twig cracks under my feat
i feel the sweat drip
and ignore my heart beat
i pull out my knife
and see who im after
a moment of hesitation
can end in disaster
i whipe of the sweat
refocus on the objective
go through my mind
and back over the checklist
i grip my knife tightly
and begin to move
by the time that i arrive
theres only one thing to do
my hand over his mouth
and my knife at his neck
i pull across quickly
before he can suspect
and just like that hes gone
the job is complete
im covered in blood
with him at my feet

2007-04-04T14:00:00.000-07:00

heart break is unavoidable
despite the royal rumble
and toss and tumble of new love
the new drugs
and they few bumps
the pace changes
the every day fun becomes
just plain day to dayness
and despite our best efforts
to avoid all the traps
some times the love
just cant keep its grasp
my hearts been broken
more then a few times
a lover not a fighter
the type to go two times
i let you unwind in my arms
be dazzled by my charm
but be careful baby
im more like a 4 alarm
fire an ignighter
and at the same time the fuel
had one or two women
feelin like the fool
but im just me baby
despite my best efforts
only god can change me now
so im just down for what ever
i kno that im clever
been told im cute
but when it comes to commitment
im just not the dude
between workin, writing
chillin grindin
and all the shit that
fills my time in
i lose track of you
and what we could do
just livin my life
forgeting about you
and im sorry it hurts
that wasent my intention
but here we are now
at a cryin convention
but i shed all my tears
so many days ago
i just sit here marose
and let you think that im cold
id rather have you hate me now
then love me down the road
put you in the same position
but harder of course
so one day forgive me
and maybe we can be friends
but for now were alone
and im sorry....again

oh it feels so good to write

2007-03-07T10:49:00.000-08:00

just linking words
random nouns and verbs
into a sure fire sire
of lyrical inginuity
facing into discontinuity
unless ambition
is applied frugaly
or brutally it will become
beyond the scope
of proper comprehension
some kind of far off invention
from another dimention
that some how held in suspention
leads us to see
all that has been mentioned
with a new comprehension
and understanding
undemanding of our
utter lacking and instead
acting as a contraption
of utter compassion
and vacuums the back rooms
of our minds
finds the lines we hide
behind the lies
of personal desguise
and expose in prose
a feeling of marose
sarrow but a strong
positive feeling for tomarrow

been to long

2007-03-06T15:52:00.000-08:00

the spectular venacular
made you crap ya drawers
at the rap awards
your applause draws on my pause
and makes me reflect
upon a deeper situation
where the vacatoin
provided by my vocation
leaves me impatient and watin
an unabridged ridge of hate awaits
for an mc so great
yet destined to be underated
hated and basically left dead
prostrated in a prostituted part of town
where the drunks drown
the hos frown
and everything from the ground
to the sky is brown
its not like they ever even came around
why miss em?
i diss em
every time im spitten
i rip em and leave em drippin
on the pavement from the
statement of freedom i declared
from there scare tatics and bewares
i came prepared and left them in dispair
my flows so tight
lyrics oh so right
and at that i say good night

bah

2006-05-01T17:33:00.000-07:00

its so rare that i write
just sit down and type
let the words go
not hold them tight
so rarely i seem
to find a free moment
and so when i do
i cherish and hold it
because lately
the times been flyin
and im thinking
im gettin closer to dyin
between the work and the stress
i need more time to pray
during the morning
and at the end of my day
but i survive
and keep on pushin
despite my best efforts
i just keep on pushing
so ill leave it at this
just a few short verses
and hope in my writing
i can find my true purpose

in crease

2006-02-09T11:47:00.000-08:00

its been a rough week
so to speak
the lines on my face
are my worries, in crease
i long for some rest
and peace
but the world is after me
the world belongs to the meek
at least thats what he preached
that must be why i long for relief
because my wrongs increase
i wrote this
with the intent to be breif
and expound upon my beliefs
but im starting to feel bereaved
so this is what i beseach
listen to the freaks
befriend
all those in need
let your heart break
and pride decrease
before you become deceased
were already diseased
and were not fit to please
were like rotting grease
his breath is a gentle breeze
if youve heard him breath
then you may start to believe
so please dont concede
to the life of lust and greed
instead just seek releafe
for the one full of mercy
and you will find the peace
that causes your worries to cease

to long

2006-02-03T17:06:00.000-08:00

hey i just wanted to let any one who comes by here know that im still alive and writing. i promise to have some new stuff up soon. thanks for your unyielding patience!

jbb

September 22, 1991

2005-12-21T23:19:00.000-08:00

i should introduce this poem a little so your not to comfused. im going to write a series of letters between two brothers over a period of years. im not sure where its going, but i thought it would be a fun challenging project, and at the same time would help me sharpen my pen. so i hope you enjoy and tell me what you think. oh and if you can think of good names im not accepting applications.

dear brother i miss you
and weve only been apart a while
lifes been good at home
moms still full of laughs and smiles
its funny i finally have
all the space i always wanted
but i wont take over your rooms
ill leave it alone just like i promised
though the parents may take
and turn it into an office
but ill do what i can
when they start to stop it
how is the college
have you been lost or lonely?
are there losts of hot chicks
that look lost and horny?
speaking of hot chicks
the girl friend is great
we go out all the time
on date after date
lately though im nevrvous
shes getting quite serious
talkin all about our future
but im like "im not tryin to be hearin this"
i mean i know that i love her
i guess i need some advice
your a pro man
you know all about love life
lets see real quick
what else have i forgotten
oh did i tell you
your totally awesome?
the cars running fine
and work as been fun
schools going smoothly
and this i gotta run
jenny just got here
and demands my attention
but there is one more thing
that i need to mention
i do miss you brother
so write me back soon
and ill keep up my promise
of protecting your room

love ______

peace

2005-12-21T23:16:00.000-08:00

the water laps gently against your legs
as your feet slide slowly
into the soft sand
as the gently breeze cools your neck
you gaze longly across the ocean
following it from your feet
to where it forms a seamless union with the sky
the sun hangs upon it
perfectly framed
like a picture hung on an empty wall
the gently lapping of the tide
creates a melody that dances in your ears
as your nose becomes enamoured with the smell of the saltly waters
the fresh ocean air fills your lungs
till you breath out the breathe of perfect relaxation

the father wraps his arms around you
comforting you in times of need
a soft shoulder and steady hands
an understanding of you
that streatchs beyond your understanding of your self
his peace is true
and everlasting
even after the oceans, sun, and sand
fade away

the hustler

2005-12-15T10:08:00.000-08:00

a man sits alone
on a corner
his clothes once nice
have been beaten and battered
his face once young and bright
has become down cast
and full of anger
the look of a man punished
by the world
his jacket is unzipped
and his hands in his pockets
pull it open and closed
a sign of the nervousness
and paranoia
that reals within his mind
his shoes are scuffed from walking
and running
hiding and jumping
and when he takes his hand out
a small gold ring
wraps around his left ring finger
his hat is pulled low to cover his eyes
and his face though well groomed
is not quite clean shaven
his wife is at home
watching their child
waiting nervously for his safe return
the man rarely smiles untill a stranger approaches
and with them the prospect
of food on the table
then his smile lights up their world
as he does what he does
the only thing he knows how to do

tookie

2005-12-14T21:59:00.000-08:00

as hes led to the chair
his head is held high
an air of difiance filled the audience
as he was led to his chair
the last time his legs would fold
and gently lower his body
to sit
so many years hed lived
scared with memorys
of past sins
and lost chances
he did not smile
but stared coldly at those gathered
to watch his final moments
no family no friends
just witness to this crime
this murder
of a man no matter how guilty
how innocent
this murder of a man
the needle did not slide smoothly into his skin
but was wresteled into him
slowly and aganozingly over 15 minutes
till it was in and slowly
the toxic fluid filled his viens
he died proud
sad
and incomplete
not the man he used to be
but slowly becoming
the man he could have been

breathe

2005-12-14T18:25:00.000-08:00

i breathe me breath against the mirror
and as i watch intently it slowly dissapears
and with the reatreat of my moist breath
the face i see is all thats left
a sad depressed dejected grin
hiding joyously something within
and in a second the grin dissappears
and i see a mirror covered in tears
i wipe them clean and breath again
when i look back i see a friend
a friend of fog that shrouds my face
that my face will soon replace
and when my face comes back again
its slowly become a mix of sin
lust and desire mixed in my eyes
while i eye my lips uttering lies
i breath a gain to hide my lips
but draw a line with my finger tips
through the moisture i see a gaze
and i become enamoured as if for days
a gaze that tells me what im missing
and every time ive lied theyve been listening
watching my eyes for signs of deception
and seeing in them lost introspection
i breathe on the mirror once more and walk away
quite a start to another day

why i write

2005-12-12T20:33:00.000-08:00

to place my words
in immortal time
to change someones world
with a lonely line
the place my thoughts
where i can see em
so when im lost
i can breathe in
for the echoing sound
of words in my mind
cause im looking around
for what i can find
to understand better
one lonely soul
for though theres many letters
its the one i need to know
cause the words i write
demand do be writtin
cause if you knew my plight
youd also be a victim
for people that read them
to understand another
and those that believe them
and let theyre minds go aflutter
i write cause i have to
im left with no choice
my minds in a vacuum
so this becomes my voice

my own stan(d)

2005-12-12T20:22:00.000-08:00

i read your poems
i think they're really good
but i think as an author
your slightly misunderstood
i dont know what it is
i cant quite place my finger
some arnt so memorable
but some tend to linger
i really like the ones
about the girl and they guy
its to bad for you it went sour
the relationship didnt survive
some that i read though
make no sense at all
i suppose in the end
thats what youd call
abstract imagry
the escape of the mind
but you should stay focused
and youll be doin just fine
some of the new ones though man
are really sad and depressed
though i still love to read em
a man and his misery left me very impressed
but still maybe you
should take some time to explain
where all these poems come from
why they're in your brain
i think people become alienated
when they dont understand
the words that your writing
and how they are planned
why they are penned
the way that they are
and what is the purpose
behind the bizarre
but anyways i just wrote this
to say ill keep reading
it seems like your writing
may be the reason your breating

to long

2005-12-09T12:04:00.000-08:00

as i lay in this bed
and wither away
i reflect on the past
and my better days
when i was younger
and strong enough to walk
when i had lots to say
and always loved to talk
but as i lay here
enshourded in blankets
im sure im at my end
i dont know how much longer can i take it
i realize this bed
and blanket are like a coffin
and i couldnt leave if i wanted
im basicially locked in
my muscles to weak to move
my hands to weak to grab
my legs to weak to support
my lungs to weak to gasp
as i wither away
alone in this room
i remeber my maker
and hope he takes me soon
as i wither away
lost and forgotten
i slowly close my eyes
hoping i spot him
my view out the window
is always the same
the thoughts in my mind
move to slow to change
so the days run togther
i barely notice the night
time has stopped moving
as i breathe in this plight
ive been here to long
my tears have dried to my cheeks
theres no one to talk to
so i really never speak
so ill just lay in this bed
and wither away
and hope that tomarrow
will stay forever away

broken cistern

2005-12-08T12:16:00.000-08:00

i poured the water in
it fell out on the ground
discoloring the dirt
thats how ill be found
i poured the water in
hoping it would stay
but it just created mud
where there used to be clay
i poured the water in
knowing what would transpire
it trickeled out the bottom
and extinguished the fire
i poured the water in
with useless futility
i poured the water in
to what you ask? to me

the mountain

2005-12-08T10:31:00.000-08:00

i decided to climb the mountain
knowing all the rules
i decided to climb the mountain
and ended up looking like a fool
i made it so far up the mountain
i could see all id left behind
i must have been half way there
when i started my fast decline
i lost my grip and begain to fall
tumbling through the air
when i reached to save my self
i found nothing was there
when i finally landed
it hurt so bad
id gone so far
and just lost all i had
my legs were tired
and my arms were weak
my breath was gone
i could barely speak
i looked at the mountain
and the facts finally set home
if i wanted the peak
i couldnt do it alone
i needed a partner
someone much better than me
or id just fall of that mountain
continually
i called up my friend
and said i need you this minute
well hes on his way
it will make a big difference
he knows different paths
than id ever guess
when the storms come
he'll hide me in the clefts
he knows all the tricks
hes been here before
so the farther we go up
ill need him even more
will we ever reach the top?
that i dont know
but my friend has arrived
so im ready to go

her on me

2005-12-04T21:25:00.000-08:00

as i heard his words
my ears rang with pain
the past was gone so quickly
we'd never be the same
my love turned to hate
and my patience to grief
as i sat on the phone
in utter disbelief
at first i thought it was a joke
but hes not quite that cruel
and i know its the truth
id been played for the fool
all of the fighting
should have been my first warning
the empty space in the bed
when i woke up in the morning
he said he wanted to go
but i demanded he stay
i was use to his body
at the start of every day
i was used to his word
before i went to bed
i was used to my hands
rubbing on his head
i was used to making breakfast
the start of every morning
i was used to his touch
every time i was horny
i was used to his kisses
when i was feeling down
but after his today words
all of thats gone now
tears rolled of my cheeks
and speckeled my shirt
my breath wasent coming
and all of me hurt
my stomach was in knots
i thought i was going to hurl
with a few simple words
he destroyed my whole world
my life wont be the same
i need time away
to decide what we'll do
i cant decide today
so leave me alone
till i call you again
right now were nothing
not lovers not friends

wandering

2005-12-01T17:40:00.000-08:00

i looked at my fingers
encrusted with dirt
blood dried from the cuts
but nothing on me hurt
id ended me search
with stunning success
found what i sought
but i must digress
i started this search
when i wanted something deeper
something wanted seeking
and i was the seeker
i started and home
but my search spread to the down
across my country
though nothing was found
i scoured the earth
for what i dont know
but when i find what i seek
my face will go aglow
the last placed i searched
was one lonely field
lost and abandond
with nothing to yield
but i started digging
this last place on earth
and what i found
finally ended my search
i placed what i seeked
gently back where it was found
and covered it softly
with the displaced ground
i traveled home
i sold all that i owned
got it turned to gold
and returned to the field unknown
i checked for my treasure
it was patiently waiting
so i bought up that field
with out hesitating
spent all that i had
for that small plot of land
and what it was hiding
fit right in my hand
a small leather bound book
full of words that i needed
the more that i read it
the more i believed it
so as i sit on my plot
of land that will not yeild
i read through my book
till it was finally revealed
what i had sought
was the author not the book
and what i had found
was him so i took
a simple moment
to invite him to stay
with in my heart
forever from this day
so when you are searching
my dear friend have faith
youll find what you need
if you patiently wait

3

2005-11-30T22:49:00.000-08:00

we sit as equals
but where all as a loss
every time we play
its nothing but a toss
as friends we are four
letters arranged
that say some thing different
but mean the same thing
confilicting contrasting
like a fresh uncut diamond
lies so much potential
but uncut and unshinin
we havd hopes and dreams
blown in the wind
but as they blow away
when can we grab them again
pictures can capture
moments in our mind
those perfect reflections
that weve left behind
so as were gathered togther
what will it mean
with no plans for the future
what can it bring
what can we really do
with out your direction
its lost in the past
with no place for reflection
just a moment captured
of history left behind
capture for you
in a poetic rhyme
but what can i offer
but these painted distractions
of what i have suffered
as useless contractions
so as we share a few moments
in this drop of eternity
help change us to you
in our iniquity

a man and his misery

2005-11-30T16:28:00.000-08:00

as i sit here lonely
hearing fingers strike keys
i listen to the piano
and begin to weep
not hard or down pouring
just one single tear
that fall off of my cheek
and drops into my beer
i let that tear fall
for the life that ive lived
i could have been cought
but i fell through the sieve
i let that tear fall
for the ones that ive crossed
and i should let one more go
for the ones that ive lost
ive lived many years
with many regrets
when i was younger
i thought better i expect
but now that im older
i realize the truth
that life slowly slips away
till its gone in a poof
some times it goes
when you let out your last breath
my life went away
when i had nothing left
my spirit left my heart
when i turned 43
the day my wife died
and left me to be me
i found depths to my soul
i knew not exsisted
and slowly they burried me
instead of being uplifted
i found darkness in places
i expected the light
i found parts of my mind
that raced all through the night
i lost my wife the last time i cried
and i havent cried in 17 years
lost all my life
and shed not 1 tear
but as i sit here lonely
and think of this earth
i let loose with 1 tear
that it truely deserves
and when this tear falls
all of my life will be gone
but ill still be here drinking
compleatly alone
so remeber this tear
that i shed on this night
for that single tear falling
is the last of my life

a man and a son

2005-11-29T11:52:00.000-08:00

my son was lost
and i could not find him
i searched and searched
but he ran off blindly
ive prayed every night
for his safe return
but as time passes on
it hurts worse and worse
i raised him right
with the word of the lord
but he loved this life
and fell for the world
i taught him patiently
of the lords saving grace
but he lusted for the world
to fill that place
i have not seen him
in many moons
my hearts broken for him
i pray for his return soon
who knows where hes wondered
or what hes found
i want my son home lord
safe and sound
this worlds temptations
have pulled him in
save him lord
make him free from sin
then one winter day
when the wind was biting
a lonely figure comes
down the road winding
when i reached the door
his face was not the same
laced with scars
from years of pain
his skin was yellow
from to much drinking
his hair was grey
from to much thinking
he said "father i was lost
but i have returned"
i thanked the lord
and my eyes burned
the tears came rolling
down my reddened cheeks
and i begged for breath
i could hardly breathe
my long lost son
was finally home
he said he hated this world
how it left him alone
he wanted the father
but he didnt know how
he wanted true life
and he wanted it now
he was tired of wandering
lost and depressed
of hearing his heart crying
deep in his breast
he was tired of pain
burrowed deep in his soul
he was tired of using
the world to fill in the hole
he wanted to know peace
and be able to rest
he wanted some hope
when there was none left
hed wandered the world
and found it all the same
fighting and striving
with nothing to gain
he said "father my heart
has truely been broken
not just from me
but the words ive heard spoken,
it has been broken
for every boy on this earth
whos lusting for fun
excitment and worth,
for every girl
will selfish desire
who meets terrible boys
to toss them in the fire
for every elder
thats never known true life
while they lie awake in bed
deep into the night
my heart has been broken
for all of us sinners
i know we need god father
this life is all winter"
i kissed my boy on the head
told him its time to sleep
and i went to my room
to silently weep
i cried tears of praise
to my father above
for hearing my prayers
and ansnwering with love
for protecting my son
for i thought he was dead
your my food and my water
my daily bread

so let me be more in love
like this father thats crying
i long to see your face
youve saved me from dying
your patience and truth
are a light for my feet
your strengths what i need
when ever im weak
so hold me close father
kiss me on the head
tell me you love me
then send me to bed

...her...

2005-11-26T00:07:00.000-08:00

i think of her often
sometimes for long times
sometimes just a memory
passing through my mind
i dream of her longing
for a special moment
a memory not to forget
i want to be the one that she finds
but what to do with these thoughts
the ones that make me wonder
and as i wonder on these thoughts
i search for what they have to offer
some times i feel so lost
missing her for no reason
but i long for her just the same
her skin look soft and her lips softer
but i cant dwell upon these dreams
and these thought of this one
though shes on my mind
theres so little i can do
for its not often what it seems
and i cant afford a broken heart
so i just wonder on these thoughts
and pray for god to pull me through

symptomatic

2005-11-25T12:10:00.000-08:00

my head aches
my heart throbs
my knees hurt
my eyes sob
as my soul yearns father
i dont know what to do
ive tried all of my medicine
but they just cant get me through
nothing quite satisfies
like your loving touch
i need you again father
i miss you very much
this moment im gettin sicker
i can feel it in my viens
i can make my self numb father
but you take away the pain
every time i cure the symptoms
they just come back even worse
my body is dried out
know i truely know thirst
i know that you can heal me
with just a simple touch
im dying for you father
i need you very much
come cure your sick child
make me healthy again
i feel so alone right now father
dying with out a friend
those that love me most
hurt me like the others
those that love me least
love me like no other
i want to be closer to you
right now im falling away
im lost in my night time
i want to enjoy your day
so come heal this sick one father
restore to me my health
for i cant make it alone
ill die with out your help

some favorites?

2005-11-22T10:41:00.000-08:00

i have to send my great aunt some of my poetry cause she wants to read it. also im submitting a poem to a magazine to get published so if you guys could tell me what your favorite, or some of your favorites are. i kno theres a lot of poems and im having a hard time narrowing it down so if you let me know id appriciate it. after i get this all sorted out i think ill be ready to write again. who knows maybe sooner!

a post

2005-11-20T21:21:00.000-08:00

i usually up date every day but to be honest ive been emotionaly and physically exhausted the past few days. i had 4 days off of work so i decided i wouldnt write for a few days.....sorta recharge my batteries (for those of you that think writing is easy...well your lucky, cause i dont think it is). to be honest i dont feel like writing right now. im probably gonna go spend a few moments in the good book, then read one of the books i got this weekend, i did get over 20. whoo hoooo! such fine selectoins as the oddesy to les miserables. so ive gotta pick one to start. let see i also got 2 rifles, some rembrant pictures (no not originals), a record player, tape deck, real to real recorder, and somo stuff. quite a visit to my great aunts. well i just thought id tell you ill be back in full effect tomarrow, and if no one has read this for for days then i thought id tell my self (blaine youll be back in full effect tomarrow). ok nights

shrug

2005-11-17T21:05:00.000-08:00

judge me oh lord according to my deeds
provide for me father according to my needs
and do as you please with the man you see
dont let me become whats inside of me
so i plead to you father again and again
when im lost and im lonely in need of a friend
i call out your name at my bitter end
thats why im so quick with these versus ive penned
im lost and im hurting hardly deserving
of the mercy youve showed its not of my earning
let me be a blessing to those that im serving
and let not my self be to me unnerving
give me patince and grace
and let me not fall of of place
into a place of utter disgrace
but let me be placed in the light of your face
oh dear father i need you now
to teach me, and train me, to show me how
to be the man that can woo and wow
men to you father so at your feet we bow
so i entreat you again father
show me how to not wander
follow your path and not be a bother
how to treat others your sons and your daughters
cause im lost and im weak
with out you i cant sleep
i can hardly keep the peace
or keep my self on my feet

curt & i

2005-11-15T21:38:00.000-08:00

i remeber when we met
and everything was like no sweat
we handeled it togther
like two old skool vets
i look back now and wonder
on how it all went under
how two guys that were like brothers
let it all go asunder
i mean we had it all
always on the ball
where oh where my friend
did we start this fall?
the world was in our hands
met our every demand
and we could of took it over
but apart is where we stand
maybe it was the money
you started actin funny
plus i met that girl
and we started to lose our love see
but i think of you as a brother
i dont have any other
i miss your friendship man
why does it have to suffer
you got them new homies
and you wanted to show me
but i like all the old ones
i wasent feelin lonely
and then you started stack
and actin wild and wack man
then when we sit and talk
your like "yo jon man what happened?"
i hate to be so blunt
and put you out on front
but i aint gonna pull no punches
and i aint gonna pull no stunt
once you got them riches
you acted all hard and vicious
then you got popped man
and started actin on some bitch shit
you was always had a change
they say i remained the same
ive always been me homie
and this is how ill remain
but on the real tip i miss you
i aint writing this to diss you
just to say i love you man
why is are friend ship piss dude
so hit me up sometime
ill write some different lines
all about what we did
and how our friendships fine

oi

2005-11-13T22:53:00.000-08:00

flowers on a grave
display all those dismayed
representitive of death
ambassidor to lifes waste
whats it all worth with hurt
most of us dont deserve
all the love weve got
and all that we observe
we all claim the world
to be so cruel
but thats life
and you gotta endure
try to survive
keep on the grind
lookin for blessings
or anything you can find
lookin for pieces
to this tiny little puzzle
but every piece is so big
thats why its such a struggle
how can all this big stuff
make this one small thing
most dont try to figure it out
just live for the next dream
the next thought
that brings hope
wether money women power
long nights or good dope
some on the grind
some got 9-5s
most aint go shit
to keep em alive
just a day and a night
to live and endure
one after another
a life with no cure
where is the hope
if this is all there is?
where can you turn
when survival is the biz?
if there aint nothin but this
you live and you die
why not pick up the strap
go commit homoside
why not tell me
can i ask do you smell me
you know what im saying
this comes from the belly
weighs on my heart
devours my mind
these are your questions
when you seek out to find
and when you find the answers
theres so much to accept
its a whole different life
a new kind of rep
a responsability
like you cant imagine
and a reason to live
its like damn what happened
i took a seceond
it all came into focus
grace in my life
and i kno it aint bogus
its a whole new kind of freedom
not trapped in the life
a new kind of living
not just trying to survive
so id beg you to search
and begin your journey
and when you find you answer
please tell him you heard me

meh

2005-11-13T00:41:00.000-08:00

its not writers block
its writes dissatifaction
a distinct lack of passion
true undesire in action
but i wont start slackin
and not compeletin these words
nouns and verbs
into little poetry like blurbs
a sound byte of my mind
and lound night left behind
while your small mind cant define
the unrelenting dementing
explanation, wait maybe extrapolation
of the vocabularic vacation
the destination is hatin
these lines im creatin
but it feels so necessary
to keep going im not patient
cant wait for a moment
a break in time
to stop with these words
and just relax my mind
but i know my lack of desire
is not a lack of passion
is a general dissatifaction
with the words them selves in action
not action packed
or biting back
just writing words
that are supposed to relax
but instead impact
the facts of my life
leaving me empty
seeking nigh
so ill stop now
thought ill keep in writing
in my mind on the paper
till the words are no longer defining

a couple

2005-11-12T01:17:00.000-08:00

patience is a virtue
and though it hurts
it wont hurt you
its a quiet time
where you search you
for what you look through
a little bit of patience
can make you feel complacent
angry antsy tired
and also quite the patient
wether sick, sad, or sarrow
take a moment and barrow
some time for today
that you need for tomarrow
and when tomarrow arives
if your still alive
just thank the father
and continue the ride

ok i hate this and im stopping
i dont know why i havent felt like writing but its really starting to make me mad
maybe ill just write about that
and im sick of rhyming
im giving up on rhyming
it drives me up the wall
it makes me want to slowly pull every hair out of my head
arg
ok lets try something else

what do you do when the words wont come
when your sitting alone
lost in the moment
when know one can know
exactally that feeling
when your body shivers
and your heart aches
when your mind reals
and your eyes burn
when the tears wont come
though you know they are there
theyre hiding to
leaving you alone
so you look to the languange
of words and emotion
and you start to form lines
patiently slowly
letting them build
upon them selves
till you have a tower
that kind of displays
that feeling
the sarrow
that anger
and saddness
the lost lonelyness of you
where your insides bleed crimson
and your outside bleeds tears
where you call upon the lord
but you dont trust your intentions
so you hide from the answer
afraid of what youve asked
and what it will bring back to you
so you go deeper into that feeling
till it seeps into your bones
and it creaks in your ears
with every movement
where every breath is a meloncholy
inhalation of sarrow
that fills your lungs
and slowly pumps that feeling
to ever part of your body
so you call on him again
not sure of your intentions
and you afraid of the answer
because you hate the question
so you try to hide deeper in the feeling
but you cant
because slowly
that feeling has become you
and you are that feeling
every cell
every molocule
every movent
every thought
so you scream to your maker
to save you from your self
and in time he answers
when your own your knees
when your begging and pleading
and tears wet your cheeks
as your teeth clench
and the sobs rock your body
you scream
and he hears you
and he calls back
telling you his been calling on you
but you refused to listen
and the fear grips you
tightens like a vice
but he will stay faithful
no matter how many times
you pull away
run away
hide away
and embrace
that feeling

sigh

2005-11-10T14:58:00.000-08:00

i really havent felt like writing
the words just dont seem to inviting
i feel like my petals are falling
as falls falling in inside me
but dutifully i stick to my task
though i have nothing but my empty flask
a soul that is hurting
and a first that feels like the last
some times old times
haunt you in slow times
its easy to fall pray
when your waiting in short lines
the deffinition has been blurred
by thoughts of the obserd
but still i sit here writing
all my thoughts in words

blaine needs?

2005-11-08T22:42:00.000-08:00

Blaine needs help once a month getting errands accomplished
Blaine needs his head checked out
Blaine needs humorous studio images
Blaine needs to spread the fieldout more, and call some pass plays
Blaine needs to resolve this problem now
Blaine needs a kick in the ass and this could be it
Blaine needs to research all avenues
Blaine needs a student, one who has no prior Spanish learning
Blaine needs to get a life
Blaine needs to complete his realistic portrayal
Blaine needs a copy of our certificate of insurance
Blaine needs to have a balanced tax base of business and residential
Blaine needs to be rotated at 90

i saw this and thought it would be awesome. my middle name is blaine and i thought the stuff was more intresting than jon. if you wanna do this fun exercise just do a search for what you need!

dandelions

2005-11-07T21:33:00.000-08:00

this sone reallys inspired me lately. its by five iron frenzy, old skool i kno. but i love this song so its the insperation and base for this poem today. so heres the lyrics to the original song. then ill write my part

In a field of yellow flowers, Underneath the sun, Bluest eyes that spark with lightning, Boy with shoes undone. He is young, so full of hope, Reveling in tiny dreams, Filling up, his arms with flowers, Right for giving any queen. Running to her beaming bright, While cradling his prize. A flickering of yellow light, Within his mother's eyes. She holds them to her heart, Keeping them where they'll be safe, Clasped within her very marrow, Dandelions in a vase. She sees love, where anyone else would see weeds. All hope is found. Here is everything he needs. Fathomless your endless mercy, Weight I could not lift. Where do I fit in this puzzle, What good are these gifts? Not a martyr, or a saint, Scarcely can I struggle through. All that I have ever wanted, Was to give my best to you. Lord, search my heart, Create in me something clean. Dandelions You see flowers in these weeds. Gently lifting hands to heaven, Softened by the sweetest hush, A Father sings over his children, Loving them so very much. More than words could warrant, Deeper than the darkest blue, More than sacrifice could merit, Lord, I give my heart to you.

as my petals
begin to wilt
i wonder how
i ever dealt
how i could survive
with out your breath
with out you
i have nothing left
my petals fall
and my leaves wither
i need you father
to make me bigger

lord take my life
make me grow up
in your love
show me how god
i need you so much

dear father
youve saved me
your love
recreates me
when i was dying
dried in the sun
you came and took me
made me strong
so now father
as i slowly fade
i need you again
your love and grace

lord search
my heart
create in me
something clean
dandiloins
you see flowers
in these weeds

2005-11-06T20:13:00.000-08:00

gotta write
gotta write
gotta make
these words seem right
even if theyre not comin
ill force em out tonight

lately its been all bad
nothing good comes from my lips
lately ive been all sad
feel like im losing my grip
but thats how it goes
im starting to sleep
get cought in the lulls
i need you now father
when im feeling my worst
i need you when im good
but now please heal this hurt
im freed from the sin
but i keep falling back in
im freed from the pain
but its still there the same
still full of regrets
lifes still blood and sweat
im hoping for something
but aint got nothing yet
i kno its not you
i always have acted a fool
why does it surprise me
to be cought in these lies please
father free me
damn this is hurting
please father catch me
its all feeling uncertain
im fallin and fallin
but not getting a grip
pick me up father
now that ive slipped

words

2005-11-05T00:16:00.000-08:00

i find when im writing
the words im dividing
leave a clear picture
of the life im surviving
but when ever the writing
becomes less exciting
then the life im living
it comes time for deciding
stoppings not an option
thought its often concidered
its not that i dont want to
im just a bad quitter
and when ever my finger
gets close to the trigger
and i feel all boxed in
the world gets bigger
the picture gets sharper
and the words more defined
yet when i redefine them
where can i put the line?
i search and i search
but again the answers are hidden
id give the days of my life
for one true to life vision
a glipse of the future
and what it has to offer
but i kno that that vision
would only make me softer
and it wouldnt really make
the fall any nicer
even if you kno your dreaming
it still hurts throught the nightmare
so as i focus my words
nouns adjectives and verbs
i look for a rhyme
thats truely superb
but i find that im lacking
what ever im seeking
i want to possess it
but the secrets not leaking
so ill finish speaking
talking and tweaking
all of these words
untill they have meaning

red again

2005-11-04T10:53:00.000-08:00

as i look at my skin
the red drips down
as i look at my sin
i clearly see the noun
it is me
i am its being
and every time i escape
im back here bleeding
i cant get clean
i live in crimson
escape is impossible
im a living prison
thats why i write this
i could never escape
try to be a straight line
im just a distorted shape
i need that love
pure unadultrated agape
to clean me up
im livin so sloppy
my skins been stained
will it always be scarlet
can i ever be clean
freed from this darkness
who could pull me through
and wash me clean
id die for escape
but im losing steam
stuck again hurting
lost life is gone
what can i do
for the next breaking dawn
will i survive till then
when im barely above water
living this life
full of death and slaughter
so please save me father
let me escape
from this deadly life
thats wrapped around my nape

gone and back

2005-11-03T23:40:00.000-08:00

as i sit back and think
and praise myself
i realize that
ive reached grave health
thinkin im living
givin out what im missin
stuck in my life
and frequently trippin
try to fallow a plan
and i cant even land
thinkin itll happen
i really need a hand
i fall on myself
plannin my life
think it goin on
but im losin the nights
dear god save me
will i be alright
its easy to get lost
even with proper focus
still fallin off
but thats how it goes shit
i can barely stay
with you
most of the time
rest of my thoughts
are lost on the grind
the life that i left
and regulary try to lose
dear god take this moment
please cut me loose
not from your self
but this life
thats got me trapped
let me focus on you
my walk and my raps
i sit here typin
reflectin on you
but i depend on myself
and every time im through
its foolish i kno
thats why i need you god
please show
how to escape this facad
this deceptive life
that always draws me in
leaves me defeated
and searching again
i think that i stopped
but some where i screwed up
lost sight of you
and got stuck on the bucks
stuck on the blunts
the drink and and the cracks
when dear god
can i have the last laugh
will it ever happen
that i look on my past
see that its gone
it truely has past
every time i look back
i get cought in the moment
back to the old shit
livin for the hope that
the game has changed
and the friends remain
but i head back again
and its always the same
i need to be tamed
changed from with in
stop with the frontin
and call on you my friend
its lost on me
all this shit i see
its crushing me father
i can barely breath
the lies that it takes
to keep this life alive
id rather have you
lettin me ride
please god come
free me tonight
i could go on and on
about how much i need you
i kno that your there god
i truely believe you
so ill only say it once more
how much i need you
ill do anything
even if i have to bleed too

mmk

2005-11-01T22:09:00.000-08:00

as i long for you i find
the life i left behind
had even less to offer
than what i had in mind
the thruth you let me see
has truley set me free
and slowly shapes me into
the man you want me to be
and as i learn to trust in you
and the things youve pulled me through
i find the more i learn
the more there is to truth
teach me proper fear
and to hold you near
and put you before in my life
every thing i hold dear
by you all things sustain
and through you all remains
your constant in my life
and your goodness will never change
so i pray silently father
that you would dutifully follow
you and all your truth
from today into tomarrow
and let me always trust
be far from my lust
and trust in your judgement
for it is always just
so again i beg you lord
pierce me on your sword
and bring me back to life
as one who loves your words

just a quicky

2005-10-31T19:46:00.000-08:00

once again my friend
i begin to wield my pen
looking for an end
to all that i begin
when i began i ran
if i stopped i couldnt stand
so i ran and ran and ran
till i formed a plan
but the formulation failed
left me hurt and ailed
but my persuers trailed
and competitors failed
but still i was unsatisfied
disapointed on whom i relied
let down by all i had tried
so i sat and cried....and cried
inside i wishing for more
than what this life had had in store
made me feel like a whore
so i fell to my kness and my clothes i tore
i stormed the castles
wresteled the vassal
he was a hassle
but in the end it raised a cackle
from my lungs
and i was stunned
i fought and won
the day was done
but i still felt empty
looking for plenty
found the penny
and bled the enemy
but he was my self
and i lost my heath
lost my wealth
and found my cell
but the he saved me
came so bravely
with out waiting
he came and paid see...
i had a ransom
it was quite handsome
i never planned one
would pay it at random
and it was planned
and his only demand
was i repremand
where my life stands
so i reexamened
with no commitment withstanding
my lifes planning
and gave it gladly
now he guides
and fully provides
for my eyes
and all my life

happy 100!

2005-10-30T22:09:00.000-08:00

so for my hundreth poem of my blog (yes i have written a few others that arn't in here) i thought id try to like write some awesome thing to showcase my lyricall prowess (as if saying lyrical prowess isnt enough) but i thought after reading kristis comment why try to honor my self with this gift, when its not a gift ive given my self. i should try to honor the one who gave it to me, so this 100th poem is dedicated to my lord and savior jesus, and i only hope it can begin to please him. here we go

dear savior i thank you
for all the ways you provide
your sacrafise of life
is the reason im alive
the gifts you give
i cannot recount
this one youve given
is paramount
may my words honor you
in all the i pen
and if they do not
the let me forget them
let those who read this verse
take delight in you
and love your perfect ways
just as i do
let my fingers praise your name
as they humbly press keys
let my eyes focos on you
and make you all i see
may my lips speak your words
and my tounge taste your joy
my my nose smell your fragrance
and my ears hear your voice
in all that i do
let my be on my knees
worshiping you
father thats what i plead
make me yours make me yours
change me this day
to a man that was a sinner
to one who loves your ways
your beyond reproach
i cant questions your plan
just give me your wisdom
so i understand
give me your patience
and may you be my delight
as im loving your ways lord
all through the night
thank you father again
for all you provide
your sacrafise and truth
is what gives me life

100???

2005-10-30T11:21:00.000-08:00

so october 30. one more day of the month and the next poem i write will be number 100. not bad considering i started mid to late july. im not gonna write #100 right now i just thought id right this to remind my self how far ive come. this is more poetry than ive ever writtin in such a short period and i have no intent to stop. i will write #100 later tonight but its gonna be a very distinct poem and i havent decided how exactally its gonna go down. as soon as i figure it out and put it togther you can count on being able to read it. untill then have a great sunday and god bless.

so often

2005-10-29T00:29:00.000-07:00

so often i wish
for the woman im missing
the one gods created
and ill one day be kissing
so often i hope
for the love that we'll share
her hands on my cheek
my hands in her hair
so often i dream
of who she will be
have i met her already?
is she waiting for me?
so often i pray
for gods gracious protection
over this woman
he'll send my direction
so often i think
of how she will smile
how she will dance
and her lovely profile
so often i strive
to be a man that deserving
that she can love and trust
depend on when shes hurting
so often i look
foward to that time
when ill see her face
and she will see mine
so often i thank him
for making this dream
of my future wife
and what she means to me

a lonely man

2005-10-28T16:06:00.000-07:00

octobers almost over
winters setting in
the leaves are off the trees
and theres a bite to the wind
there was a man sleeping by the dumpster
father is it a sin
that i stole some food from work
and gave it to him?
it made my stomach ache
to see him sleeping there
head resting by the dumpster
the only dry place anywhere
its been with my since i saw him
his lost and lonly eyes
part of my wanted to stay
right there by his side
his voice was soft and faint
as he thanked me for the food
i felt like i was in his space
as i tried not to be rude
i told him god bless
wished him a wonderful day
i couldnt hear his words
if he had anything to say
i hope he had a friend
that he could tell about me
i dont need to be promoted
i just dont want him to be lonely
i hope it brings a smile
and fills his empty soul
and i hope it fills his stomach
as he shivers in the cold
i wish i could have done more
like offered him a home
a job and a warm shower
so he wouldnt be alone
offered him a friend
at least i offered him a smile
bless the poor man father
he needs you more than i
my stomach turns with sarrow
as i think about his plight
it was cold and rainy at 3:30
ill be thinking of him tonight

escape from myself

2005-10-27T22:17:00.000-07:00

as i look in side my heart
i realize how weak i am
as i look upon your word
im so weak i can barely stand
im sickened by my self
my sin drives me insanity
i need your love now father
help me to find the man in me
im putred and perverse
cought in the evils of my mind
but i call your name father
dont leave me behind
im shallow weak
and i cant be trusted
if lied ive cheated
hated and lusted
just today father
so forgive me please
i kno i can trust you
im down on my knees
i need your grace now
your mercy and faithfullness
i need your love father
ill be briming with gratefullness
again ive tried
and again ive failed
tried to hold strong
but fell and failed
but your hands catche me
strong and sure
by you im saved
your mercy is pure
i dont deserve this
this reprive from true judgement
only by you ive recived this
grace from my punisment
so i thank you father
but call on your name
thank you for your love
and keep making me change

Psalm 37:7-9

2005-10-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

heres a poem i wrote to my memorizatoin verse for the week. im going to try to have a verse a week with my homie daniel, and write a poem for the verse every week. ill pray it goes well.

7 Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who
prospers in his way,
Because of the man who carries out
wicked schemes.
8Cease from anger and forsake wrath;
Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing
9For evildoers will be cut off,
But those who wait for the Lord,
they will inherit the land

when i am tired
i will offer you myself
let me rest
for im wak without your help
i will wait for you Lord
and where your hand will guide me
if im ever with out you
ill wait till your beside me
i will not worry
because of what they gain
ill trust in you Father
for me your Son was slain
i will not do evil
though it is in my heart
i want nothing but you Father
please just write my part
i will not be hateful
nor full of wrath and stryfe
i will not cause havoc
but seek your peace in my life
i will not fret
and let evil become my ways
i will call upon you Lord
and follow you all of my days
i will not be cast out
im written in the book
ill wait upon you Father
to you i will look

waiting on the lord

2005-10-25T21:37:00.000-07:00

Desperately, helplessly, longingly,
I criedQuietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, “Child, you must wait!”
“’Wait?’, You say, ‘wait’!” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.
“My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to wait?
I'm needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign
,Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.
“And, Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And, Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!”
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As the Master replied once again,
“You must wait.”So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, “So, I'm waiting… for what?”
He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
“All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want—but, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
“You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
“You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save… (for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
“The glow of my comfort late into the night.
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an Infinite God, Who makes what you have last.
“You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’
Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!
“So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to wait.”

author unknown

please father

2005-10-25T20:20:00.000-07:00

my heart is so weak
god please let me weep
get out these tears
and reach for your peace
show me your spirit
i want to be near it
to know you better
and learn how to weather
these storms in my life
bring hurt and stryfe
i create storms myself
and lust after wealth
lust after beauty
lust after cuties
lust after ones i meet
and after some discreet
but you know my thoughts
and how they are frough
you know my mind
and how its so blind
i need your eyes
by my side
you to be near me
and keep me when im weary
god i need you now
please show me how
im so weak alone
and hard like a stone
so bless me lord
as the lion roared
fill my ears with your word
by you let me be lured

running

2005-10-25T20:09:00.000-07:00

pounding on the pavement
to the rythm in my ears
fighting back the pain
refusing to shed tears
the heat sears up my side
the water wells
to my eyes
how did i come to this
so weak
my body screams
with every step
why was i so stupid
to let my self do this
i let my body go
now i must recoup it
my throuts dry
and my lungs burn
my heart pounds
and my shins hurt
my side screams
with every step
my insides bleed
with every breath
i should have been smarter
now i start from the begining
i could have kept it up
instead of relenting
now i pay for it
with every stride
i doesnt hurt i swear
i tell my self the lie
but i keep on pushing
and keep on striving
im taking my body
to living from dying

today

2005-10-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

i wrote today. it was sort of personal and about some one and i dont know who will read this. so todays poem was a journal only. but i thought id tell yall that i did do my writing. you just dont get to read it!:)

mmm....postage

2005-10-23T00:12:00.000-07:00

a mind freed
emancipation
a decloratoin
a sudden
intoxication
of joy
that permaties
the soul
that deliniation
of truth
a true living proof
a breath of fresh air
that fills the lungs
ignites the cardiac system
pumps through your veins
and brings truth
and proof
to your body
brings reason to doubt
and logic to confusion
brings meaning to life
and stops the intention verbal dilusion
heals the contusions
and returns
every thing to its proper place
the discoloratoin of the soul
is a sickness not easily heald
and remedy not easily revealed
but never concealed
seek
and find
ask and recieve
why ask me
when what you want is he
the love
the life
the truth
the right
its there waiting
patiently
loving endlessly
and all that stops you
is you

whooo weee

2005-10-21T17:47:00.000-07:00

wow have i been busy. it feels like its been a year since i wrote anything on here. i guess when you do something damn near every day then stop you kind of miss it *tear*. well im back and though i might be off my near perfect mark for a week or so by november ill be back in full effect. if im not complain to management. if they dont respond dont take it personally. anyways i though i had best write something, but before i do i just wanted to thank daniel my good friend, who reads this now and then for the best birthday weekend in the history of the 2000s and perhaps before. i love you brother. i cant wait to have another sweet weekend of rockin bromance! well anyways im gonna write a poem and if im rusty sorry. and if it doesnt make sence thats ok. i have absolutly nothing in mind.

ahh thinking
of the words ive been missing
ive been writing in my head
but my fingers arnt listening
thats ok cause now
theyre with me once again
writing all these words
like a long lost friend
its easy when you do it
all of the friggin time
but its hard to put it togther
when theres nothing in mind
but ill keep on pushin
and fill in the blanks
ill add more later
but for now i gotta bank

1peter 13-25

2005-10-16T22:17:00.000-07:00

rebellion flows in me
slowly an hot
like lava down a mountain side
i refuse to bow my head
to a man who does not know me
and has not made me who i am
you try to control me
you push to submit me
and rebel
as the man that lives in my heart
i use my freedom
as an exuse for excursions
against all the laws
and as i see them
human perversions
i refuse to submit
i demand to stand tall
the man that i am
refuses to fall
but what is this call
this echoing sound
the words that command me
to repent and bow down
to submit my self
to every human institution
to use my freedom
for a godly contribution
so god let me submit
let me repent
let serve as a bondslave
in love i get from you
let me submit to my trials
and build persaverence
to handle the treatment
of mans instutions
or often indefferance
for i have been called for this purpose
since christ suffered for me
and example to follow
for his blood let me go free
he bore my sins
his body hung upon a cross
his blood flowed for me
to pay for me an immesurable cost
im lost
so humble me
i fight
so let me be free
and use my freedom
as a bondslave for you

ipod madness

2005-10-12T23:45:00.000-07:00

i just got an ipod yesterday for an early birthday presesnt...its sunday if you wanna get me a gift. lol. but really this thing is nuts. its tiny. it holds pictures, and ive only got 234 of a possible 1000...ohh the possobilities. but yes thats why i didnt update yesterday. at least thats what im telling my self. but any ways im gonna update today. right now perhaps. ugh to bad i dont feel like writing. then again that would be 2 days with out a poem and i wont update tomarrow till i get back next week. that would almost constitute a blog vacation. yes thats what ill do. starting yesterday im on vacation from my blog till next wed or thursday. ill miss you but see you then!

him

2005-10-10T21:26:00.000-07:00

a passionate father
who nutures and loves
takes us under his wings
for us shed his blood
a wonderful counciler
who listens and cares
takes care of our worries
and helps us to bare
a exacting creator
designs to perfection
selects just what he needs
with out lengthly reflection
the author of love
it is what he is
thats why were here
and thats how we live
a god true and mighty
and jealous and just
patient and loving
in whom we can trust

i dunno y its so short

2005-10-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

some times i wonder
if the words i speak
speak more to me than others
what the words bleed

mwahahahah

2005-10-09T10:10:00.000-07:00

a symphoic
thought process
of symbolic
tough losses
pertentious ideas
and so many thoughtless
created ideals
that leave us godless
and by ideas i mean idols
we worship with out title
followed blindly
leverging quietly
our minds from our souls
the bought from the sold
and what we want
from what we have got
dont pretend
you dont need a friend
a trust worthy compatriot
thats there to the end
an unnecessary thought
you say he cant mend
the pain and the hurt
you get served for dessert
and the desert of sarrow
the pains of tomarrow
haunt you today
with have you feeling so hallow
dont worry life away
he'll be there so follow
i know its hard to except
when you feel so inept
and you dont know the truth
so you turn away your head
but open your ears
push back your fears
he'll take care of you
all of your years
i know its a tough decision
with much up for division
of you and your self
but trust me its not worth missin

i suck at titles...

2005-10-09T00:19:00.000-07:00

a meteaphoric meteor
buy theres better yet in store
so what am i waiting for?
i dunno im just trying to explore
the devout nature of the poet
every thing written is so stoic
but you wouldnt even know it
unless you looked below this
the gratuitious words
and thought progressive curve
leads to a slight preverse
perversion of the verbs
and if you were to state em
explain em verbatium
youd be left waiting
for the proper relatoin
of the words to time
and the time to the rhyme
the rhyme to the line
and the line to the specified find
and if you find the path
and walk it fast
you might itch that scratch
or cure the rash
but the apparently obvious
will be slight obnoxious
while the slightly noxious
will be persued thoughtless
so stop the pleading
of things so misleading
stop all the bleading
and then reread the reading

one man's curiosity

grounding

lacy may

monday night

Raton, NM

Kimberly

First Limmerick

double didactic, a durable dynammic

to you

a poem

prophet

Get Pissed

america the beautiful

bartered love

City Streets

old flame

shorties reading shorties

winter in june

welcome the the present

bremerton?

a rhyme

honor killing

is this really extacy?

memories

conflictions

happy mothers day

a poem

lessons

dear sister

long freeverse

dear dad

neked and alone

murderer

oh it feels so good to write

been to long

bah

in crease

to long

September 22, 1991

peace

the hustler

tookie

breathe

why i write

my own stan(d)

to long

broken cistern

the mountain

her on me

wandering

3

a man and his misery

a man and a son

...her...

symptomatic

some favorites?

a post

*shrug*

curt & i

oi

meh

a couple

*sigh*

blaine needs?

dandelions

words

red again

gone and back

mmk

just a quicky

happy 100!

100???

so often

a lonely man

escape from myself

Psalm 37:7-9

waiting on the lord

please father

running

today

shrug

sigh